The amphibian

At Maydaze

I guess, big scale gay parties are afterall, NOT MY CUP OF TEA.

(Actually, I am quite inspired to write yesterday night when I came home from Maydaze - 3rd day event, but damn my neighbour, he did not turned on his WiFi and so I could not log on to write a better post than this! I blame you my neighbour. Ok, ok... I know i'm cheap, but hello, here I am talking about someone who's rarely at home, besides for sleeping, cleaning, and changing. Do you think I really need an internet connection, when I can get it faster and free from the company? And yes, as I am typing this entry, I am at the office now. How sad. I blame you, datelines... )

Obviously, I was there for some reason - ogling at hot hunks, and of course, planned to get lucky. Sorry dude, if you think the lucky I meant was hot sex, sorry… you’re so fucking wrong. I was only planned to get to know new friends in my gay circle.

To start it off, I missed the 1st Maydaze event @ liquid. It’s completely ok, because I was actually caught up with work until 12am and then after I joined Joey, Elaine, Renay, and Beng Chong for dinner. Sad isn’t it? Dinner only at 12am, that explains why I am still a fat ass!

The 2nd Maydaze event @ Orange was completely a blast, and an eye-opener. I, for living in this gay-elf city for the past 24 years did not even realize the amount of gays that’s actually breathing the same air as me. Whooa…. I must say. It’s packed with lots of hunky and hot males. Totally adoring those gay fellas that put in the effort at toning their body, making sure that they take the centerstage at event like this! Meanwhile, the curry puff me, can only stand at the most dark and hidden corner admiring and taking a step back to think, why the fuck am I such a loser?

I will come back to the ‘why the fuck am I such a loser’ story later, but first, just let me complete with my thoughts.

Patrick, Lily, Kristen, Jacqui and I were there the 2nd night. It’s nice to have a group of friend to hang out with, but not when someone has a different agenda. Here, am talking about Pat. His agenda was clearly, to get laid by someone, that is at least decent for his taste. While the rest, including me were there to see the topless hot hunks. Lily and Kristen, was all the time with me discussing and evaluating the guys. While Jacqui on the other hand, was a hot cake, like every gay man there wanted to know her, BADLY. For god sake, it’s a gay event packed with tons to gays, and yet she still gets to be picked up, like for 8 fucking times? This is very sad. Very very very depressing for me, at least.

I did get to know someone who can be categorize as ‘Mr Perfect’ – M and R. Nice people they are, despite the fact that they’re a bit quiet. M, actually left a very good impression in my book. Smart, tall, witty, mature and most important of all, very the gentleman. I think he is about 30yo, with a successful or at least a stable career. He has all the quality that I am looking for, but unfortunately, an attached man. It’s ok, because I knew there might be someone as top quality as his will come to me one day.

Cupid has been nice to Pat. In our attempt to squeeze through the dance floor, Pat, found a mat salleh, and they started frenching after they knew each other for like, 5 minutes? Good god, that is totally so salah for me. Then, at around 1am plus, the cupid released his arrows to both Pat and Ken. Who came from a totally different universe but so happen to be at the same location where we were standing. Pat took the opportunity and courage to get close to him. And boy, he’s a lucky bastard. It’s really what they call – love at first sight.

The 3rd day event, while Pat spend quality time at the dark corner and Kristen running around to look for friends, I was even more a loser than just standing at the same place looking around, and generating more and more thoughts. All I move was only a few inch from where I stand to where I sit. Only to dance to a few songs that can really get me groovy.

For me, the party was great, the crowds was moderate, but the experience I had was seriously a disaster. I blame it to a few reasons:

1. I did not enjoy the house music they were playing. As R&B, Hip Hop, and Mambo Jambo as I can be, I think I shall stick to going Poppy, Velvet and Liquid at all times.
2. 70% of the crowds are high on drugs? Or maybe more? Or less? I don’t know. I don’t do drugs. Does that explain why I felt left out, so totally?
3. Like almost 90% of people there posses good and fit body, instead of a stuffed curry puff like me. So I felt pressured.
4. Being tan enough by nature, and under the dim light, I look even darker. And people came up to me saying ‘Hi’ in the most traditional Malay way – ‘Apa Khabar?’, I felt even pissed and annoyed. Which part of me looks Malay? Although sometime I really enjoy being thought that i’m a Malay, when I can actually shock them with my proficient language skills in Mandarin, Canto, and Hokkien. Boy, I am as Cina as I can be man! I guess it was not at the right place.
5. Some of the people appears to be a bit superficial? Only chose to hangout with good looking people. A typical example, I met Scott on the dance floor with beautiful looking people, but he can be as ignorant as a wall to me? Scott, is my best secondary school mate since 13yo. Our friendship came stronger years after years, as we share lots of ups and down, emotionally, and academically. But, all I can felt for that short 10 minutes on the dance floor was that he has became an ice queen to fat face and fat ass people, like me! I am totally pissed off with his attitude. I couldn’t care less, but to admit I have just lost a good friend, for he has changed to a superficial queen, while I turn my face to a different direction.

As I was thinking on my way driving home, where is my man? I can only conclude that the parties go-er type is just not my cup of tea? Or I might be wrong? At the sametime, I like to be seen in the clubbing scene? I am seriously confused.

I could have set a very high expectation on my life partner, be it a short term or a long term one, and even from every aspect of life. But I ain’t complaining because what I am looking for is the quality than quantity. I have the habit of getting things right in the first place. So does it really explain my own questions? Confused… yet again. I just couldn’t compromise / settle for the worst.

God… save me. I’m really really really confused now.

Honestly, this post is not directed to anyone. I beg for your mercy if I have in a way or another hurt anyone’s feeling. I am merely just expressing my thought as I try to portrays the utopia of my gay life.

This might not be the end of my entry for this post. I lost some thought here and there as I was typing it. Damn the stupid fellas that interrupted me! I will continue when my thoughts are back.

posted by Nicky Dominique @ 10:20 PM